


Secretly, It's Always Been You

by Krembearry



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Christmas Fluff, M/M, Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 09:01:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16951023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krembearry/pseuds/Krembearry
Summary: The most dangerous crew in Los Santos, and they're doing secret santa? What are they, children? But here they are. In the end... Maybe it turns out a little better than he expected.





	Secretly, It's Always Been You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [smittenbritain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/smittenbritain/gifts).



That morning when Ryan got off the elevator, he was ambushed by Jack. The jolly woman was dressed as Santa and holding out her hat towards him. Ryan, unaware what she was up to, sighed and began to dig his wallet out of his pocket. After Jack watched him drop in a dollar, she laughed. 

 

"No, dummy. We're doing Secret Santa this year! Pick a name! I'm keeping the dollar though."

 

Ryan looked at her in shock and disgust. "You watched me get my wallet out. You could have told me at any time." 

 

"Hey, nothin' wrong with donating to Santa. Now pick a name before I pick one for you."

 

"Secret Santa... What are we? Schoolkids? Office workers? Why?" Even as he complained, Ryan dipped his hand into the hat and felt around. There were other dollars in there. What was her gain out of all this?

 

"It's a team building exercise. See how well we all know each other, y'know?" 

 

"It's November."

 

"You have to have time. Who even gives someone a Christmas themed present for a Secret Santa? We want you to get a present you really thought about for whoever's on your paper."

 

With a groan, Ryan let his questioning drift to a stop. "Yeah, alright. But I expect a very good regular present from specifically you as well. If you're my secret Santa, you need to get me two presents. This is ridiculous."

 

Jack laughed merrily and jingled(jingled? what was she  _ wearing _ ) her way to another crew member. Ryan peeled open his little card and peeked at the name inside.

 

Gavin.

 

A sweat broke out on his skin. This had to be a joke? How was he just going to get Gavin's name on accident? He looks up and sees the lad holding an envelope now. Gavin looks inside, and grins before tucking it into his pocket. Ryan takes his advice and tucks his own into his pocket quickly. 

 

How? How was he going to pick out a present for his crush in any sort of not gay way? 

Fuck.

 

As he passed by, he hissed a curse to Jack, who only laughed. She knew he liked Gavin. 

 

Abruptly, Ryan stopped, grabbed Jack's arm, and yanked her into the nearest closet. 

 

"Jack. My dear Jack," he started, venom seeping from his lips as stress rocketed through his veins, "You. Wouldn't. Happen to be doing this. Because of me. Would you?" He tried to smile sweetly, but he doubted that's how it came across. Especially because she immediately let herself grin like she'd rigged it.

 

"Why would that be? I'm just spreading the holiday cheer. Are you upset with who you got?" 

 

Her smile- that fucking smile- told him everything he needed to know. She knew who he got. She knew he wouldn't pick again. She- 

 

"You're a bastard and I hate you."

 

Jack grabbed onto his ponytail and kissed his cheek, wet and cheery, before letting herself out of the closet. Outside, the Lads were giggling. Michael shouted something about that not being a full 7 minutes, to which Ryan treated him to a curse and stormed into his room.

 

A gift? For Gavin? 

 

This was going to be a shitty Christmas.

 

\--------

 

“Just tell me what he’d want, Michael.”

 

Michael scoffs, leaning back. “Fuck no. I already bought him his christmas present, and that was hard enough. Just get him like, clothes.”

 

“He has a thousand different clothes and wears the same thing all the time. He's little better than a cartoon character. If I get him clothes, he won't wear it. I hardly know fashion anyway.” Ryan screwed up his face at the thought. He didn't even know where Gavin shopped. 

 

“Then jewelry. Dude, I got my own secret Santa to worry about. Work it out yourself.” 

 

It was hardly a satisfactory answer, but it was somewhere to start. Jewelry, huh? He could do jewelry. Something expensive, of course. Something gold. Did he wear gemstones? Ryan wandered off in search of Gavin, just wondering. How did he never notice if Gavin wore gemstones or not? What would even be his stone of choice? Was he an all-metal jewelry enthusiast? It sort of defeats the purpose of the word if he wore no jewels. Whatever was the shiniest, if he remembered correctly. 

 

Like a crow. Ryan laughed softly to himself. What a silly man. He was always hoarding the softest things to touch, and the shiniest to look at and wear. He was  _ such _ a little crow. 

 

Ryan didn't jump at the arms suddenly wrapped around his shoulders. 

 

“Rye! What are you standing around laughin’ at, yeah? Lost in your thoughts again?” Gavin was so light on his shoulders- the weight of a bird. His squawking wasn't far off either. Thankfully, Ryan could hide the affectionate smile that wanted to sneak onto his face. 

 

“I'm thinking about the gift exchange. I'm not sure I know the right present to get. Was I laughing?” Feigning ignorance is always the perfect ruse. Ryan turns to look over his shoulder to see where Gavin had rested his chin. 

 

It seems the lad is lost in thought, just for a second. His bottom lip purses forward, sunglasses tilted down enough to show his eyes- though, this close, Ryan can see through them anyway. 

There was just a wisp of gold lining on top of each one. No one could see it behind his signature shades. Why wear it? 

 

It was stunning. Ryan supposed that was a good enough reason for him. 

 

“Did you hear me?” Gavin's lips asked. Uh oh. Ryan had been staring for a bit too long. “What, are you lost in my eyes?” 

 

The suddenly sultry tone put Ryan on guard. No. No, no, no, he was impossible at flirting. That's why he already gave up on this crush. And yet, he could feel he was blushing. Damn this white skin. 

 

“No, you- you're wearing eyeliner. But it's so little no one can see it behind your glasses.” Ryan touches those glasses, sliding them up onto Gavin's forehead. “It's fall. You don't need to wear them all the time.” 

 

Gavin's eyes flickered- he had thought of something. Ryan felt a cold sweat on the back of his neck as Gavin let go, coming around to stand in front of Ryan. 

 

“So you  _ were  _ looking at my eyes?” Something was loaded in this question. Unfortunately, Ryan had no idea what. 

 

“Yes?”

 

“Then tell me I'm pretty, Ryan. Not that hard.”

 

Absolute dread swept through him. Did Gavin know? Was he being made fun of? What was his game? 

 

“Or you can tell me who you got for your secret santa, like I asked. Maybe I can help you pick something out!” Gavin grinned, bouncing on his toes a bit. 

 

Ryan sighed, going for exasperated but feeling relieved. He was just joking. That was fine. 

 

“Did you hear where you said  _ secret _ ? I'm not supposed to just kiss and tell.”

 

“Oh, so you want to  _ kiss santa _ ? That's a little strange, doncha think?”

 

Ryan's blush suddenly returned, and he frowned hard. “You know that's not what I meant. For one, Santa isn't even my  _ type.  _ I prefer younger guys mostly. Red is a bit garish in such heavy quantities and- no. I'm not telling you any more. You're a menace.” Ryan can't believe it. Voicing his sexual opinions on if Santa is hot or not. This is ridiculous. 

 

“Younger guys who don't wear a lot of red? What are you, a bull?” Gavin is grinning, but Ryan stomps and lowers his center of gravity. 

 

“You wanna find out?”

 

And  _ that's  _ what finally gets Gavin to clear off. Ryan is left smiling after the exchange, and he heads to his room to plan. How fun. 

 

Once he’s alone, he’s forced to remember just how much he likes Gavin.  _ Fuck _ . This is going to be  _ so hard _ .

 

Suddenly,  Ryan comes to a realization. He’ll just do what he’s always done! Whenever he’s trying to figure out patterns, what someone  _ needs _ , all he has to do is watch. It’s more direct to ask them, but he can’t be direct right now. What he  _ can _ do is pay attention to Gavin. Honestly, he already does, but it’s more like wistful staring. If he can’t be the one to make Gavin happy always, he can certainly make him happy once. All he had to do was really make this present mean something.

 

And as such, Ryan began to watch Gavin. Sure, he’s used to secretly staring at Gavin. Listen! He’s pretty! Gavin is also just a joy to watch. There’s an ease to his movements. He laughs so freely, expresses himself so openly, but the more Ryan watches, he realizes there’s something more. When there’s a moment of silence, Gavin’s eyes go haunted. He seems to remember something that isn’t there in front of him, and that’s when he makes another joke. Anything to deflect away those bad thoughts.

 

Ryan notices it when Gavin slips away without saying goodbye, when the whole crew is hanging out. Suddenly he just looks absolutely drained, and then he’s gone. Gavin has always said it’s a hassle to say goodbye, but is there more?

 

Is there more to it when Gavin wakes up early in the morning, staring out at the first snow of the winter, his empty coffee mug loose in his fingers?

 

How he stares at the cold, gray skies for so long?

 

Has he always been so sad?   
  


Ryan has always looked to Gavin as a light. He’s a spot of sunshine in a world of darkness. Ryan’s never had a bad thought about Gavin, and as such, assumed that such a bright person could never have a bad thought. Obviously, it isn’t true. Gavin is so sweet and happy when he speaks to them, but those silent moments where he thinks he’s alone? There’s no one to act for. He can just be himself. 

 

But that’s not who Gavin is. Gavin isn’t this haunted soul. If anyone, that’s supposed to be  _ him _ , the Vagabond, the ruthless killer. Ryan hasn’t been depressed in a very long time, but this? He recognizes it once he pays attention. When he realizes it, he can’t believe he let Gavin go on so long alone.

  
Does anyone else even know? How can he have kept it a secret for so long?

 

One day, perhaps a week before the exchange is due, Ryan knocks on Gavin’s door. The lad shuffles to open it. When he sees Ryan, he grins wide, instantly perking up. 

 

“Ryan! I wasn’t expecting to see you so early today. What’s up?” Gavin is still waking up, obviously, and Ryan shuffles a little nervously. Gavin’s hair was still messy, his nightshirt on crooked. He was so cute.

 

No, stop. This wasn’t about Ryan. It was all about Gavin.

 

“You’re always asking me about what’s in my house, and the other day you- were talking about how much you missed your cat, back in England, and then how Geoff won’t let you have one here. I’ve, ah, got a cat and dog back at my home, and I wanted to know if you wanted to see their Christmas outfits. I just got them last night, I haven’t had the chance to dress them yet. I might need help.”

 

Ryan, in his panic, just rambles out all his thoughts at once, but Gavin laughs. He seems genuinely happy now. “Yes, I think I can help you with your kitten. Hold on while I get dressed.”

 

Ryan nods and leans back against the other wall. Gavin shuts his door. It takes a while, but Ryan doesn’t mind. He’d wait as long as he has to. Gavin pops open the door again in a different outfit than normal; it seems to be just a normal t-shirt and pants, along with a hoodie. It’s not that fancy as he typically likes to dress, but Ryan doesn’t mind. He’s so cute.

 

“Boots, huh? You never wear those. It’s cute on you.” Ryan comments before he even thinks about it. He’s turning away too fast, digging his keys out of his pocket, but Gavin gives this sort of breathless giggle that makes Ryan’s knees weak. 

 

“Do you think so? They’re new, so I haven’t worn them out yet. I was a bit nervous they’d be silly.” 

 

Ryan waves in a way that means ‘ _ nonsense, they’re wonderful’ _ , and then away they go. 

 

They arrive to Ryan’s house before long at all. Ryan hops out of the car, but gives Gavin a moment to look at his house. It’s honestly not where anyone would expect to find a killer living. There’s two stories, but it’s still a fairly small house. In the window, a ruckus suddenly erupts. 

 

“Oh, shit, sorry, I thought I’d put him in his crate. Zeus! Hey, Zeus!” Ryan comes over to the window, and makes a few sharp gestures with his hands. The barking stops, and Ryan goes to the door now.

 

“Mila will be back in my room, but Zeus just does whatever he wants, always. Honestly, what a trouble maker. Um, you can coo to him as much as you want, but it would be ideal if you could maybe stomp around a bit when you walk? He’s deaf as a doornail. A bit old, but sometimes that’s what happens.” Ryan opens the door now to reveal an absolute monster of a dog.

 

He might have been a golden retriever, once, but Zeus looks more like an ancient mastiff mix, if nothing else. Ryan comes over and rustles around his ears, then takes Gavin’s hand.

 

“Here, just let him sniff you real fast. I can already promise he’ll love you. He’s such a sweetheart.”

 

And sure enough, Zeus sniffs Gavin. The instant he realizes this is a new person, he stands up and begins to wag hard enough he might knock himself over. Gavin laughs and gives Zeus the proper petting he deserves while Ryan slips away a moment. He returns, this time with the smallest, most perfect black kitten. 

 

“Mila is pretty new, so I don’t know if she’ll be friendly, but she seems like it. She lets me hold her, at least. Want to try with her?” Ryan has her cradled to his chest like a baby, and she’s kneading her paws. Instantly, Gavin coos to her, his heart melted.

 

“Ryan, she’s absolutely perfect. Oh, she’s so sweet. Lookit her little ears? Got little perfect triangle ears, don’t you, little kitten?” Gavin gently lets her sniff him, sniffling when she smears her head across his knuckles. Mila wriggles a moment, hopping onto the ground so that she can stand on Gavins’ thigh. Her claws dig into his skin, but he doesn’t mind. She’s so sweet and wonderful. 

 

Ryan watches as Gavin settles in with his animals. Eventually, he’ll get their costumes and they’ll do a little photoshoot with them, but this right here is so perfect to him. Gavin on the floor, gently playing with Mila as he lays his back against Zeus’s solid side; it’s just wonderful. Ryan wonders, for a moment, if he said something right now, would Gavin respond in kind? Gavin looks so at home here. He’s so at ease. There’s more to this day planned and it’ll wait.

 

It’s still early, and Gavin never makes it out of the entryway. He falls asleep on the floor, his head on the dog and the cat in his lap. Ryan finds it makes his heart ache in a whole new way. He finds that just having Gavin here makes his whole house feel alive. It feels whole, complete, like a real home. The animals already love him. He shakes his head though, trying to dislodge that feeling and instead taking a picture of them. He’ll show it to Gavin later, but they’re kind of right.

 

It’s much too early. 

 

They all wake up from their group nap around noon. Mila is standing on Ryan’s face, shouting because she’s hungry and he’s just laying on the floor. At first, he tries to swat her off, but he can’t move his arm. One glance shows Gavin tucked up against his side. Green eyes peek open, and Gavin slowly sits up to lift Mila into his lap and stroke her back. Ryan’s heart is still pounding. Fuck, he’s so stupid and gay. Why did he crawl down here to sleep with them?

 

Ryan tries to follow Gavin’s lead and sit up, but instantly one of his bones pops and he groans, rolling onto his side dramatically instead. Gavin laughs and pats Ryan’s shoulder.

 

“I can feed them, if you’d like. Just tell me where their food is.”

 

Ryan laughs, then shakes his head. “No, I can do it. Actually- it’d be nice if you could feed Mila while I feed Zeus.”

 

They get everyone situated, Mila with her tuna feast and Zeus with his kibble.

 

(“Ryan! Why are there green beans in Zeus’s bowl?”

 

“The vet says he’s getting a little fat, so he gets green beans now. He likes the crunch.”)

 

Ryan actually cooks them up some eggs while Gavin watches the animals. Just having them around seems to really make him happy. Ryan, the sucker he is, ends up asking Gavin a question. “Do you think that, y’know, if you ever miss animals too much, you’d want to come over again? I’m sure Mila wants someone to play with, y’know, when I’m not quite in the mood for it.” He’s nervous to ask. He’s inviting Gavin into his personal space, and it makes him nervous, but he wants to make this jump. Even if it isn’t entirely what he wants to say.

 

“Would you really let me? I’d love to do that. Such a beautiful kitten deserves the world, and I love Zeus. I’m not normally a dog person, but I think I could be. He’s- oh, he’s very tall, isn’t he?” Gavin is shocked when Zeus just walks up and rests his nose on the dining table, snuffling softly at Gavin’s plate. Ryan comes over and dusts the dog right back off of the table. 

 

“Yeah, he is, bane of my existence, but he’s so great, y’know? I’m just glad to have him around. He makes the house feel a little more full.” Ryan holds Zeus’s face in his hands, gently kissing his big wrinkly face. Gavin thinks a moment, chewing the eggs slowly. 

 

“Ryan. Do you get lonely in a house by yourself?”

 

It wasn’t expected. Ryan debated for a second, but he finally settled on a shrug. 

 

“I, ah. Well. I can sometimes. It got better with Zeus, and then again with Mila. It’d be nice to have another human to stay here. Mila is a pretty good conversationalist, but she doesn’t have too much to talk about.” Ryan jokes to keep from making Gavin sad. He doesn’t want Gavin to feel pressured to take care of him or anything.

 

“It’s alright to be lonely. I think… I think I get lonely too sometimes. Even staying at the penthouse with everyone, I get lonely. I think it’d be nice to live somewhere like this.” 

 

Ryan isn’t sure what that means. He’s tempted to do what he normally does; go quiet and think. He can’t do that now, though. Today is about Gavin. If he wants to talk, then they’ll talk.

 

“Well, I said you’re invited over any time. If you wanted, I can show you where I go when I get more lonely than anything. It… I don’t know, it helps settle my mind. I generally go at night, but now will work just as well.”

 

Gavin nods, and they stand. The animals would be here when they got back. As Ryan pulled on his coat, he watched Gavin seek out Mila and give her a kiss, right on the tip of her nose. Mila kissed him right back, again, on the nose. There was something about seeing Gavin like that, something that just settled Ryan’s soul. He wanted to see that always. The utter peace of being able to kiss a cat was incredible.

 

“Let’s go,” Gavin said, interrupting Ryan from his thoughts. Ryan nodded, and it was hard to hold back from wrapping an arm around Gavin’s shoulders. The snow had become heavier outside, and Ryan just wanted to bundle Gavin up against the cold. 

 

The two got back into the car, and away they went. It was a quiet trip, but comfortable. The further out they got though, the less snow settled on the ground. Soon enough, they were well into the desert. Ryan kept getting heavier and heavier on the gas, going for the rush of speed he loved to feel when he was too emotional. How could he focus on the troubles of the world when the world was a blur?

 

It seemed the whole drive was just a few short minutes. Ryan skid into a stop just outside of a little abandoned diner. Nothing was inside, and the sign had fallen off years ago. Gavin was shocked at where Ryan had brought them.

 

“‘Scuse the phrasing, Rye, but this really looks like a murder shack. You sure you en’t brought me out to kill me? Seems like a strange thing to do, after I’ve met your cat.” Gavin seems at ease though, and Ryan laughs. God, what he’d do to bury a kiss into Gavin’s hair now.

 

“No, it’s not a murder shack, I promise. I’ve brought you here not for this view, but the view it can offer.” Ryan leads Gavin in.

 

The desert hasn’t been the kindest to this old diner. It’s no longer fit for food service, that’s for sure. A fine layer of dust layers over everything, but for some reason, sand doesn’t crunch under their shoes as they enter. The wooden shutters let in a soft amount of light, sun diluted through wooden slats and illuminating the dust mites swimming through the air. Ryan began to move through the building, pulling the blinds shut and encapsulating them in darkness. 

 

“Now rub your eyes. I’ve been working on this a long time- It might not totally be accurate, but you’ve got to adjust to the dark faster to see it.”

 

Gavin only listens to Ryan’s voice as he explains, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes and seeing stars as he does it. When he pulls his hands down, when he opens his eyes, the stars are still there. He rubs them again when he thinks he hasn’t done it right, but then he realizes- the stars  _ really are _ there. Painted stars glitter everywhere in the old diner, and Gavin begins to recognize constellations around him. It’s utterly breathtaking.

 

“You did all this?”

 

“When I can find the time, I work on it, yeah.”

 

Gavin walks through the room softly, fingers brushing over patterns he recognizes. He feels better here, just as Ryan said he would. 

 

“Why the stars? I thought the stars might make you seem lonelier. Us on our little blue planet and maybe nothing out there in the millions of lights. I’ve always viewed it as sad.”

 

Ryan comes closer to Gavin, just enough that they can see each other, and he briefly brushes over a constellation with his thumb. 

 

“The stars remind me of us. They last forever, until they don’t, but what matters most is that there will always be other stars for us. People can remind me of stars sometimes, too. Bright, happy, even at night when it seems darkness always clouds the mind. Every star is a sun that shines down on planets that depend on it. I think it’s not that lonely. Even if every system is empty, there are trillions of creatures on this planet perfectly capable of love. If there’s nothing out there to find, then I can find it here.” Ryan turns to look at Gavin, only to find the lad staring hard. He’s thinking, again. Ryan can feel his face being scrutinized for the exact thing he doesn’t want to show.

 

Ryan suddenly blushes, and he takes a few steps away from Gavin. “I’m. I’m sorry. I got a little too into it. If, uh, if you want, I’ll just leave you here for a little while so you can- so you can enjoy the stars.” He turns to leave, face burning. He’d gotten so close to saying it. Gavin doesn’t even touch him, but the words he says next have Ryan whipping around as if he had.

 

“Are you really going to leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?”

 

Ryan stares wide-eyed at Gavin now, unable to see the expression on his face. “W- Gavin? What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

Gavin pulls his hoodie tighter over his arms, thinking again. “You always… dodge things around me. You have something you want to say but you don’t say it, Ryan. I want to hear what it is you’ve been dodging for so long. It’s hurting you by not saying it. I don’t want to see you hurt. I want to see you happy. What even makes you happy?”

 

Ryan takes a deep breath. He opens his mouth to say something, but on instinct, he holds it back. He knows he’s been hurt before by these words. He shouldn’t say them again. But Gavin just stares at Ryan so earnestly that he can’t help it. He’s always been weak for Gavin.

 

“When I picture myself happy… It’s with you,” he starts, trying desperately not to break eye contact, but failing in a second. “I don’t know what it is about you, Gavin- you make me so happy and you don’t have to try. I’m so used to pretending to be happy, to struggle to feel anything at all or- I don’t know. It’s been a mission for me to try and open up to anyone, but it’s always been you. You got me to open up to the crew by just  _ being yourself. _ I don’t think anyone else is capable of making me change the way you have. And then you- then I started noticing you in other ways. I try not to take much notice in people except to see them, but I really noticed you.

 

“Gavin, something about you has always been different. You’re happy and funny, yeah, but people could say the same about Jack or Jeremy. You’re gorgeous without trying, you’re absolutely stunning when you do, you’re just- You do things so effortlessly, and I know its not true. I’ve seen that sometimes you try to hide your sad feelings, and yeah, I get it. It doesn’t feel good that people know and I’ve noticed, and that sucks, but all I can think about is just.”

 

Ryan stops, and he shakes his head, looking down at the ground. “You make me really happy. I don’t know if I got that across. It’s not like you fix me, I don’t think anyone could, but you make me want to be fixed. I feel good being around you, and I just want to do the same for you. That’s… kind of what today is. I was your secret santa for the exchange or whatever, and I know they’re supposed to be just like little presents or whatever, but I wanted to make it more special. This wasn’t- I wasn’t supposed to tell you all this. I just wanted to give you a happy memory, because a memory won’t break. You deserve to smile.”

 

Ryan takes a deep breath, then just shakes his head and presses a hand to one of his eyes. He can feel his throat getting tight, and he doesn’t want to cry. That’s only going to make this worse. 

 

“Merry Christmas.”

 

He knew it was going to be a shitty Christmas. What an awful present, crying in front of his crush. Ryan tried to push more tears off of his face before Gavin could see them, but then, instead, there were other hands there. Softer hands wiped the tears away and guided his face down.

 

Lips met his and Ryan’s entire brain shut down.

 

What?

 

“Huh?” he said smartly, leaning back. Gavin was blushing in front of him, looking a little starstruck.

 

“Haven’t you noticed that I smile when you come around, you dope? I’ve been trying to flirt with you forever, and you’re too dull to notice. After all that, I thought it was best to finally give you a kiss.”

 

Ryan is now too shocked to say anything at all. He blinks for a moment, then his hands find Gavin’s sides, and he stands up straight.

 

“Wait! Me? Huh?? Me??? Gavin you- but I’m-”

 

“But you’re wonderful, Ryan. You’d be shocked at how happy you make people. Though I suppose I know exactly how shocked you are now, innit? It’s a sort of cute look on you.” Gavin smirks at Ryan. It would have been a lot easier to make the first move if he knew Ryan was going to act like this.

 

“Cute?”

 

Gavin laughed, and leaned up to kiss Ryan again. This time, Ryan just sat in shock for a second more before pressing right back into Gavin. 

 

It was everything he’d dreamed of. At the same time, if felt like stars bursting behind his eyes and the comfort of settling in at home. His lips were perfect. They settled into each other like a dream.

 

When they pulled away from each other this time, Ryan didn't even want to speak another word. He dived in again and again, covering Gavin in little kisses until the two of them were sinking down to the floor. Gavin began to laugh, finally pushing Ryan away when he thoroughly understood how much Ryan loved him. 

 

“How long have you felt like this?” Gavin asked. 

 

“I think I've loved you for a long time. I don't even know when it became a romantic love- I would have done anything for you long before I wanted to kiss you. You were my friend, first, and I think that's why you're so special.” 

 

Gavin scoffs, but he pulls Ryan in for one more kiss anyway. “Saying  _ I'm  _ the one that's special. I'm lucky, more like. We haven't even started dating yet and you're so devoted.” 

 

Ryan lingered in the kiss, but he hops up fast when Gavin speaks. “Yet? You- you want to?”

 

“What, you think all the kissing and flirting was for fun? Absolutely I want to date!” Gavin laughs when Ryan blushes, and he wipes gentle fingers over Ryan's cheeks, as if to wipe away the redness. “Don't be embarrassed. You really are cute, aren't you?”

 

Ryan blushes even harder. He huffs, then huffs again, then wraps Gavin up in a big hug so Gavin stops looking at him so soft and sweetly. It makes him  _ weak _ and  _ vulnerable _ . He's certain Gavin will have more of that soon. Suddenly, though, a thought comes to his mind as he stands them up again. 

 

“Are we going to tell the crew?” 

 

“Eventually, I think. But right now it's none of their business, innit? We should have a few days to feel this out.”

 

Ryan doesn't think before he says, “I'll feel  _ you _ out.”

 

Gavin laughs again, raising an eyebrow. “I'm sure you will, but slow down a  _ little _ . We haven't even had our first date.”

 

Truly, it's a fact that's a tragedy. Ryan bundles them up and takes them back out to the car. Before long, they're back at his house, and Ryan's tossing off his jacket to roll up his sleeves. Gavin wonders what in the  _ world _ he's inspired, but Ryan becomes a whirlwind of activity. Gavin takes to the living room. He finds Zeus on the floor with Mila sat between his shoulder blades, both looking to the kitchen and waiting. 

 

“Does he get like this often?” Gavin asks. 

 

Mila meows in response, but she doesn't have much else to say. 

 

It takes a while, to the point Gavin is now spooning Zeus and scrolling through his phone. Ryan pops out of the kitchen, something smeared across his cheek. He hasn't a clue about it. 

 

“Gavin! I, uh, forgot to ask, I was excited, sorry. Um, do you want to go on a date with me? I'm not too into public stuff, I think you know I'm a private person, so dinner and a movie might have to take place here, if you'd be so inclined?”

 

Of course, Gavin says yes. 


End file.
